Official Week 4 Results

Down 2 lbs. for the week
Down 30 lbs. total in four weeks

It was a tough week emotionally, so I am happy to have lost anything. Here's looking forward to a big number next week!

After being in a bit of a funk the past couple of days, I decided to make a morning trip to the gym. I was planning on walking for 60 minutes, but the motivation hit me so I decided to push it and jog for some of the time. I have done some jogging before, but it was always accompanied by pain in my ankles. Today, however, there was no pain. I like to think that it wasn't a fluke, and that the thirty pounds I have lost made the difference. Even if that's not the case, I still managed 15 minutes of jogging with little difficulty. That's a big step. Well, actually it is a lot of big steps.

I am happy that the cold weather is here, but with that comes the urge to hibernate. The next challenge will be to fight that urge and continue working out as much as possible. I'll be spending a lot less time on the bike and a lot more time at the gym.

3 weeks down, 10 to go. I'm down 10 lbs. overall. very excited about that. I write this as I sit eating a big bowl of steamed broccoli and red peppers. Good stuff...really.

Week three official numbers:

295 lbs

-7 lbs for the week
-28 lbs overall

This past weekend, my husband and I celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary with a road trip down to my neck of the woods. We all know that no road trip is complete without multiple stops for beef jerky, Doritoes and other random junk food deliciousness so we were mentally prepared for said trip to be pure torture because of our food restrictions. On Friday morning we packed the truck with our bikes, a couple of suitcases and enough healthy food to hopefully get us through the twelve hour drive ahead of us. It was decided that we would drive to Byron, GA and spend Friday night with my b.f.f., Stacey and her husband Stephen before continuing on to the coast on Saturday. Surprisingly, we made it through the first part of the trip without any major temptations or cravings and being pre-warned about our weight loss endeavors, Stacey had fresh fruit and veggies waiting for us when we arrived. Since we would be staying with my grandmother, I also let her know about our diet and begrudgingly asked her not to cook for us. You have to understand that there is always food waiting at granny's, you can count on it, so it felt weird to walk in and not smell the familiar smells. My granny has also been trying to eat healthier so it was fairly easy to stick to our diet. The hardest part of the whole trip was not being able to eat at the places we love to eat when we're there such as, Willie's Weenie Wagon where the slogan is "We relish your buns". Willie's has been in Brunswick for a long time and you would be hard pressed to find a better hot dog, hamburger or pork chop sandwich. It was also difficult not being able to go out to eat for our anniversary. When Jackson proposed to me on Jekyll Island, we went out to eat at Spanky's that night. It would have been nice to go there to celebrate our first year of marriage. Every special occasion is celebrated with good food and drink so it was very strange to not have that option. The good news is, we had a wonderful time and managed to survive the trip without cheating. Not even once. It felt incredibly empowering to take on so many challenges and emerge triumphant. I feel stronger and healthier, both mentally and physically, and more determined than ever.

Our second official weigh-in was last night and I was down 2 more lbs for a total weight loss of 6 lbs. I have to be honest, I was a little disappointed. I have been eating all the right foods and none of the wrong foods and I really wanted to see a bigger number of pounds lost. I'm sure it's extremely motivating to see the numbers drop and know that what you're doing is working so to only see 2 pounds is discouraging. I am still motivated to continue this because, after all, I am losing weight, even if it's not as much as I had hoped. Maybe next week will be better. 2 down, 11 to go.

Week two official numbers:

302 lbs

-9 lbs for the week
-21 lbs overall

It has been an interesting span of days. I was feeling a little anxious, but I wasn't sure if the source of the anxiety was the impending milestone of dropping below 300 lbs, or the impending 10 year high school reunion.

I don't know exactly when my weight crept up above 300, because there was a long time during which I did not get near a scale. But I can say with certainty that it has been at least five years since I stood on a scale and saw a number that started with a '2'.

Getting back below 300 is my first major goal, and I have been close for the past few days. I got down to 301 on my home scale on Thursday, but crept back up a couple of pounds on Friday and Saturday. I don't like seeing upward movement at this point, so it was a little discouraging. But this morning I stood on the scale and saw the number 299.6 staring back at me. Relief and happiness.

And as for the reunion, that went fine. I saw a few folks I hadn't seen in a while, and enjoyed catching-up with them. Dinner was served and Medina and I did extremely well to pick through the veggie and fruit selections to find things that fit our diet. The main difficulty was not being able to have a drink or four to ease the social anxiety. In the end, it was an enjoyable evening, and we went home proud to have survived a night out without cheating on the diet.

Last night I went out to eat for the first time since starting this diet. It was girls night out and we were going to my absolute favorite restaurant in Louisville, Ramsi's Cafe. At first, i was hesitant about going because I thought it would be torture to sit and watch other people eat the stuff I wanted to eat. Not to mention the smells. I decided to check out the menu ahead of time to determine if there was anything I could eat and to my surprise, there were actually a couple of options. I psyched myself up and went, but with a plan. Planning is key. I chose the vegan 15 bean soup (delicious) and stir fried vegetables with a side of chili paste. When I ordered, I asked the server to make sure there was no oil or butter used in the vegetables, they were very accommodating. Everything tasted great and I felt full and satisfied afterward. Amazing! I feel very proud of myself for overcoming that challenge.

The last three days have been an emotional rollercoaster, but despite the challenges I made it through the first week. With the exception of one minor weak moment, I stayed on the diet and as of tonight I am down 4 pounds. I am learning what it means to eat for nourishment and not for comfort - an entirely new concept for me. It's tough. I love food and I don't remember a special moment or event in my life that doesn't include food. That has alot to do with my southern upbringing. Our family gathering always revolved around a big spread of home cooked food and I learned from a young age that food can cure anything that ails you. I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm sad and most of my thoughts are consumed with planning my next meal. Since the start of this diet my biggest challenge has just been resisting the urge to eat something that I know will taste good and give me a quick fix. This must be what it feels like to be a junkie. I have an addiction. Food is my drug of choice and I am dealing with some major withdrawals. Don't get me wrong, the food I can eat on this diet is good and filling, but it's just so different than what I'm used to. I'm not sure what to do with myself at this point. I feel lost and way out of my element. I know that once I complete this 13 week program and hopefully learn some self control I will be able to reintroduce some of the good stuff back into my diet, but for now I will persevere for the sake of my health. By the way, my amazing husband kicked ass this week and lost an incredible 12 pounds! I'm way impressed and inspired. 1 week down, 12 more to go.

Went to the doctor this morning. On the usually unforgiving scale there, I was 309. That was down from 320 on that same scale one month ago. Exciting! That's a reliable indication that I really am losing weight. I feel really good, and I'm actually looking forward to our first weekly meeting tomorrow!

It's been five full days on the diet, and I am feeling very good. In a couple of ways, I have it easier than Medina. I am working at home these days, so that means that I am not around other people or other people's food. That eliminates what I can imagine is a very powerful source of temptation. I can sit at home, and with the exception of food commercials on TV, avoid seeing the kind of food I can't have.

Working at home also means that I can easily schedule time to exercise during the day. I enjoy bike riding, and it is my favorite way to burn extra calories. I'm averaging about an hour of riding and between 10 and 13 miles per day. Hopefully the weather will stay nice and that will remain an option, because it is a lot more fun that walking on the treadmill at the gym.

This first week of dieting has been better than I could have hoped. The food we are eating is fantastic. Also, I can eat as much of the approved food as I want. Those things make it very easy to fight off any cravings that pop into my head. If I start to feel hungry, I eat. If I have a hardcore craving, I try to think about one of the things I can have. That has gotten me through so far.

Perhaps the best part of these first five days has been the noticeable difference on the scale. On the day of the first meeting, I weighed 319 lbs. on our scale at home. This morning, I weighed 305. Even if that scale is not accurate (which is a real possibility) I am losing weight faster than I ever have. That is the best motivation to stick with the diet. My goal is to get to 220. If I can keep up this pace, I'll be there before I know it.

Saturday, October 6. Day four. Being at home on this diet was way easier than being at work. At work, it's just me and I have to be strong because there are temptations all around me. At home it's much easier because Jackson and I are a united team and we have made sure that there isn't anything in our house that we can not have. When I open the fridge, I only see fruits, vegetables and a few condiments, so I am forced to make the right decision. I need that kind of structure because at this point I don't trust myself completely - I am weak. I haveto give myself a little credit though because so far I have resisted all temptations and cravings. Speaking of cravings, I awoke Friday morning to the voice of the Waffle House patty melt calling my name and his little sidekick, hash browns, was singing a song. I knew I had heard the song before on the jukebox, "Waffle House hash browns I love you". Scattered, smothered, covered and chunked, please. Oh, go ahead and pepper it too, because I like it hot. I could almost taste the buttery, cheesy goodness and that craving stayed with me all day. But I resisted. Having Jackson to go through this with me makes all the difference. We talk about our challenges and victories and encourage each other every step of the way. He's a wonderful, amazing person and he is so committed to being successful. He gives me strength. And he also makes my heart go pitter patter.Day four was a good day, but out of the blue last night I had an emotional melt down. I am not sure what brought it on, my guess would be a combination of things. You see, I am a worrier. That is my plight in life. I worry about everything I do in some way or another and I constantly second guess myself. I am very hard on myself to the point of exhaustion and last night I was feeling beat down. I crumbled and sobbed until I was too tired to think about it anymore. This morning I awoke to a throbbing headache and an empty stomach. So begins the day.

Thursday, October 4. Day Two. Because of better planning, today was definitely an improvement from yesterday. I started my day with a chocolate banana shake - have I mentioned that I love these? In a way I feel like I'm cheating because the shakes are really that good. I had a delicious Granny Smith apple for a mid-morning snack. The annual chili-cookoff at work was today and it pained me not to participate. My chili, "Medina's teeth kicker", is damn good, but there's no way I can make chili and not taste it. Are you kidding me? I love chili and I like it hot, very hot actually. I like it so hot that it makes me sweat and tingle. And I always like to accompany my chili with rich and decadent cornbread (the perfect thing to soothe the flames in my mouth) , but because it's full of butter and sour cream that was also out. So, instead of participating in the tasting & judging, I sat at my desk like a good girl and ate my vegetable beef stew with a baked potato. Once my stomach was full I decided to wander down to check out the competition; I knew I could not go on an empty stomach. So I went and looked and drooled a little and fantasized, but I did not eat. My first victory! It felt great to walk away, well mostly great with a little bit of pain mixed in. For my afternoon snack I brought cucumbers and carrots. I love cucumbers, but I've always had a hard time with carrots. I don't mind them cooked, but even the baby carrots are hard for me; however, I discovered salad spritzers today and boy was I excited! There I was at my desk trying to choke down my little carrots and it just wasn't working so I went in search of something to drown them in. The problem is, it had to be something that was low-fat and had 15 or fewer calories per tablespoon. I found an Asian Silk Vinaigrette spray in the fridge that only had 1 calorie per spray and it did wonders for my carrot problem. Please don't judge me for stealing, I was desperate. If you're reading this and that was your salad spray I used, thank you and please don't be mad. Having two snacks was key for me to get through the rest of my day without daydreaming about pizza and Doritos and beer. For dinner I had beef enchiladas with corn and green beans, and I even had seconds. I could never stay on a diet if I had to starve myself so it's a good thing that I can eat as much as I want on this diet as long as I eat the foods that are approved. For dessert I had a vanilla shake with mixed fruit. I fought to stay awake long enough to down the shake and as soon as I was done I crashed. The last couple of days have been very busy and I was exhausted. Another successful day!

Wednesday, October 3. Day one. Feeling energized and excited about this new beginning, I got up early and made my breakfast - a strawberry shake. I decided to put it in the refrigerator while I got ready. I was running late for work and in my frazzled state I left the house without my shake and water bottle and because my husband is so loving and supportive he brought them to me at work so that I could "get off on the right foot". I love that man! The grapefruit that I had mid-morning held me until lunch when I enjoyed a delicious baked potato topped with turkey chili. Not bad, I'm impressed. My afternoon snack was cucumbers, but within an hour I was hungry again. Because I didn't plan very well, I did not have anymore food and I mooched some raspberries from my generous coworker. In order to meet the minimum requirement for the day, I ate 2 entrees at dinner along with a serving of vegetables and then a double chocolate banana shake for a late night snack. Tomorrow I will plan better and spread the food out a little more so I'm not feeding my face before bedtime just to meet the required amount of food consumption. I love the chocolate banana shake! One day down, a lot more to go.

We are expanding! Well not actually, but our blog is getting bigger. On Tuesday, we began an intense 13 week weight loss program and we plan to use this blog to keep track of our progress. The program includes a structured diet as well as exercise and weekly educational/support meetings. And Lord knows we're going to need some support! Our first meeting was long and it didn't help that I was hungry when I arrived. It was right after work and I had not had dinner yet and to make matters worse we talked about food the whole time. Midway through the meeting my head started hurting and my stomach was growling and by the end, I was cranky and all I could think about was that cheeseburger sitting in the fridge at home waiting on me to devour it's cheesy goodness. Adding to my crankiness was the absurdly rude individuals who, for some reason, thought it would be okay to talk at full volume to the people sitting next to them while the instructor was speaking. I had to suppress my urge to get up and plant my foot in their fat asses, so instead I sat their and imagined all of the obscenities I would like to scream at them for being inconsiderate morons. Meanwhile, I'm trying to remind myself of the reason for being there but that cheeseburger was calling my name. The meeting was over not nearly soon enough and after picking up our food for the week we headed home to eat our last meal. Cleaning out the cabinets and the fridge was difficult, but the result - a clean slate - was exhilarating. A quick trip to the grocery for fruits and vegetables and we were ready to get started. I feel optimistic.